i tend to alternate between these long phases of experiencing a ton of art and creating a ton of art. i create and obsess until i burn out and spent 3 months binging every album that's come out in the past year. as of recent, i've (unfortunately) been in the burnout stage. this time my fixation has been... video games? i usually feel really guilty for playing a game for more than a couple hours at a time, but that's been the standard as of late. so i wanted to talk about some thoughts i've been having- not the guilty ones, those are for anxious nights when i can't sleep.
my "taste" in games is inexorably tied to two things- being banned from consoles as a child and my mother's lifelong insistence that video games will ruin you. can't say she's wrong. being banned from consoles turned me to the finest haven known to games- an old, beat-up laptop. it was here that i (eventually) discovered emulation, which occupied whatever space in my brain wasn't taken up by early 2000s shooters and miniclip. a reliance on older games and a household that made video games into a precious banned good still bleeds into my taste nowadays. short, pick-up-and-play games that don't tell you what to do and embrace janky freedom. short games because i played everything through emulation, so i'd often forget to save. half the time when i did save, i'd have to delete the files for fear of my mother discovering i have games on the pc. pick-up-and-play because i have always felt guilty about playing video games for more than a couple hours at a time. if i had to learn how to play the game, that would be all the time i spend on the game, and then i'd probably forget to save. i don't like being told to do because i sucked at video games and mandatory objectives are time eaters. i've always played games first and foremost to experience the aesthetic and explore the world. video games were nearly a visual art for me. janky freedom because the more jank, the easier it is to go off the beaten path. i LOVED n64 games. a lot of people tend to glorify older consoles, but it was honestly the lack of glory that i reveled in. and like, they were some of the first real video games i played. i grew up on the n64, fond childhood memories all that. my favorite kind of stuff has stayed the same.
ok so what was the point of that ramble? to say this: i have always been and will always be a fan of old games. there's something that the imitators just can't capture. "throwback platformers" are probably the worst offenders. the level of cleanliness nowadays kinda ruins things. also, to say that my playstyle in games is always to explore to the edges of the map even if i don't touch the story or gameplay.
i was going to write a bit about the state of indie games right now, some stuff i'm excited for and this new experience (for me) of being excited for an upcoming new ip. and the exciting feeling of looking forward to new entries in a current series. letting your mind run. because i've never done that before. i don't really get that excited for modern entries in old series. but i got involved with the class of 09 fanbase a little bit and it's so amazing to wonder what the next game will be like. i just got really sad though and i don't wanna write anything anymore